My brief encounter with abortion

Monday we will be in Washington DC for The March For Life. Last year was my first year attending, and I hope to go every year until we finally see Roe v. Wade over-turned. Abortion is a very tragic thing. I think the last stats I read said something like on average 4,000 babies are killed (aborted) each day. In some places the numbers are higher (like New York) and abortion is the number one killer of African-Americans.What we are seeing in America is a holocaust of infants. The number of children we have killed in the name of choice in America out number the deaths seen at the hands of some of the most evil men in history (like Hitler and Stalin).

The first time I saw my oldest daughter was on an ultrasound screen at an abortion clinic. I was being measured for dates so see what kind of abortion I would have. As I leaned ever so slightly to get a better look at her the nurse noticed what I was doing and turned the screen away from me. I was going to pay $1000 to have an abortion at seventeen weeks. Why? Because I cared about me. I was terrified of what my family, my church, and everyone I knew would say about me once they found out I was seventeen and pregnant. Seventeen weeks is pretty far along. It’s not hard to see how wicked I was in my thinking. How selfish. This baby was going to ruin my life. Oddly enough, I was also someone that boasted the pro-life line of thought. I felt like such a hypocrite. But what choice did I have? People that have abortions are called pro-choice, but as I sat in the waiting room at the abortion clinic I didn’t feel like I had a choice at all. I really felt cornered. I felt trapped by my own selfishness. I had only been with Emma’s dad six months. My parents would probably disown me. My church probably already thought I was going to hell, and this would only confirm it to them.

I finished my day at the abortion clinic and scheduled my abortion. They were going to suck the fetus out of me. That’s what I was told. I was told I’d probably have to take a couple days off school. I waited in the waiting room for my boyfriend to pick me up. I felt like crap. I didn’t feel any better knowing things would be “taken care of.” I was told to be prepared for protesting when I came back for my abortion. People didn’t think I should have a choice to abort my baby. I wished I didn’t have that choice. The whole thing felt like a nightmare and I was only there for consultation and scheduling.

For what ever reason, I broke down on the way home. I cried and declared that I wasn’t going to go through with the abortion. I told Emma’s dad he could leave me if he wanted. Miraculously, he stayed (though we ended up splitting up after her birth), my parents were supportive (my mom was disappointed but supportive and my dad was so happy he cried), and my friends were excited and there for me. My life was not ruined. It was changed in an amazing way that I cannot describe. Emma continues to be a blessing to me each day. I tear up (sometimes I cry) when I think that she almost didn’t make it, because of my selfishness. I know it was only God’s grace that spared my daughter. My wicked thinking is evident through out the story, but His mercy saved her and later on He saved me too.

Abortion is really murder. It really does kill a person. My daughter would not be here had I “taken care” of her. It’s not something you have done and forget about. It will effect you forever. Please, please reconsider.

Be Blessed,


16 thoughts on “My brief encounter with abortion

  1. This is amazing! Thank you for sharing! It's awful what thoughts the enemy can put in our head and how we can believe them due to our selfishness. God's grace is amazing!! Love you!

  2. Hey Hollie, I'm de-lurking from reading your blog 🙂 I know your fabulous boyfriend and that's how I found your blog.Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. Mine is similar. The ages are a little different, and my husband and I are still together- but it takes courage to say what you're saying. I was "pro-choice" until I saw my son's heartbeat on a monitor. I didn't think I had any right to tell someone else what to do with their body- and I still don't, I just concern myself with a different body- the one that can't speak for itself.Blessings,Kristina

  3. Hollie, I did not know that you ever thought about aborting Emma. This is such an encouragement to me as I remember making that same appointment and cancelling before ever making it to the shelter. I love you and I'm so proud to be your friend!

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